Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Dhaavani Kanavugal..

remains just kanavugal for me..

I grew up in a town and paavadai-dhavani was neither too common nor too obsolete. You could still spot a girl or two wearing one when you walk by the market road. However, when I was in teens, the craze for schools to move over to salwar-kameez-with pinned dupatta started and it no time, most of the schools became converts. Only two schools in our town still had half-saree as uniform for 11th and 12th Std girls.

In hindsight, I realise the effects of hormones during my teen years .(romba seekarama gyana udayam varudhu ! Sigh!)..It could be a mix of all of these or some of these put together that made me behave the way I did then: inferiority complex admist my cousins who were all city-bred that I didnt want to pose myself as a "village-girl", or the way fashion was portrayed by the media and I was taken towards it or deep within me, I myself considered wearing half-saree meant I'll be a biiig girl and can no longer expect to be treated like a child , or because I have seen men passing comments /teasing as young girls in half-saree pass by (both in media and real-life) and felt disgusted and dreaded the day I would be subjected to such abuse. Something within me was a rebel against wearning half-saree that I was so adamant and protested against wearing one when I attained puberty. As such, in the community I belong to, we dont celebrate it that big compared to what I have seen and heard of how this event is celebrated with so much of fanfare (very close to how a wedding is or vividly I remember one of my classmates mentioning that this function will be grander than a wedding in some communities..!) ..My parents had invited all neighbours in the street we resided and some of our relatives landed down and I hated being looked at by all. I didnt like the concept of getting dressed up with saree/jewels/flowers etc and just be seated so that everyone can keep looking at me and come over one after the other and shower blessings. Wouldnt they shower blessings if I were in a salwar? I was such a rebel that day and Thankfully, (Thanks a Ton Amma and Appa) my parents didnt force me and I was allowed to be myself..In hindsight, I'm wondering what an effect it would have had on me if parents got pressured with what relatives/neighbours had to say and in turn forced me into doing things that I didn't want to at that time..

Fast forward to a few months, my aunt said that one of my cousins in Chennai obliged to wearning saree, got all decked up and caught everyone's attention for a few hours..My aunt was also giving me gyaan that this is an one time event and that I should have obliged etc etc..All through her monologue, just one time I felt how it would have been if I had worn the saree/half-saree , got decked up etc..(confused hormones, eh). But this thought was very fleeting and later , at various occasions, I didn't feel upto it to start wearing the half-saree

It was time to change schools after 10th, so, while looking for schools, I simply didst buy into joining this school (one of the two I 'd mentioned above) which had very good coaching, produced good results in 12th , just because the uniform was a half-saree.. It required so much of advice and convincing from my parents so that I nod my head for this school. But, (as they manasu pol mangalyam, though not mangalyam in this case :) ) I got admitted into an equally reputed good school which had salwar as its uniform..One big relief!! 

All through, the desire to wear a half-saree wasnt that big, and I didnt feel like wearing it then..fast forward, farewells came, I wore saree in those occasions and marriage happened and I started wearing sarees..Now, the real guilt trip started..

The desire to wear a half-saree is at its peak and doesn't seem to go down..But now, feel odd to wear a half-saree which is supposed to be an attire for young girls in teens.In the temple I visit once in a while in Bangalore, I have seen a couple with a kid where the wife/mother wears a half-saree at all the times that I 've spotted them..This convinced me to buy one for myself or at least try out one from  my sister. But, this thought would come up in Bangalore and when I go home, the actual doing will not happen..These days, whenever I see girls in half-saree (especially when I do a day travel to my home town, which I did recently ) riding a cycle, I get all nostalgic and regret for not having worn it..Now, I find half-saree is so much fun and you can actually dress up well in it and flaunt your teen curves ..I will let my daughter read this and hope she will not succumb to what people might think or say, but just follow her heart..I too followed my heart then, only that this same heart thinks and behaves differently at different times..:)

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