Monday, January 31, 2011

Whats your take?

A very good friend of mine is not in her ususal good spirits off late and the reason being she and her husband are going through rough times of their married life. Since she couldnt take it any longer, flood gates opened one fine day and she burst out narrating what she was going through. Knowing her since school days and knowing her husband too, I can vouch that both of them are among gem of people and have a wonderful character. I was very sure that this was just another fight among them ,but a little more than a normal one and probably they were in a tiff so often in a short duration that it seemed to her , that they were constantly at cross with each other. I reassured her that fights do happen between husband and wife in most of the marriages and my husband and I fight like cats and dogs too. I tried my best to cheer her up and gave gyaan as to what she could do from her part, like controlling her tongue and not spit out words in anger ..

But, she came back after a month and expressed that her marriage wasnt working and she was thinking of the dreadful "D". I was shocked to hear this. Atleast, between the two of us, she is the one who is most adjusting and accomodating and whatever little I knew of her marraiage, both of them were letting go each other during troubled times. I tried to talk /counsel her and  finally told her that in my opinion, if it required that she has to step up and walk those extra few or many steps to make their marriage work, she has to do it. In no way , she should give up , especially in such short duration and try and keep trying and not lose faith.

I've always been of the opinion that when a man and woman are united through marriage of mutual consent, they could always make the marriage work. I agree that there will be difefrences , infact lots of them every single day, but, if they want to, they could remain inside the marriage and still have space and respect for each other .  I agree that its very very difficult to put in practice, my own married life is an example of how rocky a marriage can be, but, still, there will be something that will make their marriage work, just that it is the willingness of the couple  is what is required to take the extra step.

My friend's take on this is: Things can only be tried and re-tried for a certain duration. After some time, it gets worse day after day. If things dont work , then why live under the same roof committed to one another, but still hating each other and undergoing the mental trauma ? Instead , why not seperate and be at peace?"

Whats your take?

Friday, January 28, 2011


Social networking sites are very very addictive..I've clocked around 5 hours of
precious time in facebook alsone this week. This is definitely an indulgence
and will try to do this once in a while and not often. Let me see how I fare..

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Coffee Break

Radha and Babu are colleagues and good friends. On a casual coffee chat,both
of them update each other on their life's happenings. During one such conversation,
the topic of kids and children came up and Babu casually asked if Radha and her husband
were planning to start to family. Babu wished them well and they returned to their desks
to resume official work.
About a year later, during another break,when topic involving children were being discussed,
Babu stated that if Radha and her husband were planning, then, by this time
,Radha should have been pregnant. Yes, How Radha wished things were that simple for them!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Timetable for life

One of my colleagues, M is not married as of now, (he is 33 years old) an, very much successful in career, is involved in lots of activities outside work and office and is very happy withe the choices that he has made (atleast, thats what he told me!).. Some of the other colleagues in the office make fun of his "single" status and let out some absurd comments . As if they were consulted to find a suitable girl form M! When are we going to grow up, giving space for others to lead lives as they wish to? Why is this obsession with following a time-table for whole life?? What is wrong when a child has to let go of one year of school and resume schooling thereafter? Is the world going to turn upside down just because his peers are one year ahead in classes? What is wrong when a man or woman decides to delay getting married or not get married at all?  Each one of us in the world have a life to live and I think, it is high time that we give respect for others choices!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Episode 3

This time, as soon as the home pregnancy test came positive, I informed my manager that I wanted to take off from work, probably do a work from home. the manager, being a wonderful person that he is, simply didnt ask any question and agreed.! It was organnisations' annual celebration event and I decided to take off the day after the event was over.

This time, my mom compelled me to talk to my gynaec Dr.G at my parents place (who did the cehck curettege) and get her advice. Dr.G asked me to take a beta HCG test and if the value is more than 5, asked me to contact her again. Without checking beta-HCG, I called her up the next day and told her that the test was positive(after repeated HPT), and she advised me to take a low dose aspirin, progesterone along with folic acid.  Now, the devil part of mine comes into picture and I googled about effects of taking aspirin and I got doubtful as to whether to take aspirin or not. During this time, the gynaec whom I was consulting in B'lore (Dr.N) was sick herslef and wouldnt consult or attend any phone calls. So, I was left with no other option but to consult Dr.G. I regret to this day for the phone callI made to D.G asking her how safe is aspirin for the baby. Dr.G got pissed off (obviously , who wouldnt get pissed when a patient queries the Dr, more than querying, doubting the prescription given by Dr?) and replied back that she prescribed the medicine is generally prescribed for people with repeated miscarriages and there has been no medical evidence that it causes problems to the baby. Since she was highly frustrated, she also said that I need not take the tablet if I have some doubts and later dont complain that something happened because of this medicine. I did call up the Dr and my mom called her up too to apologise. But, I think the mistake was already done! Little did I know at time that I was going to be rewarded for hurting a good Doctor, a well wisher , that too..

On the day of the official event, myself along with two other ladies were supposed to pool in to a cab to be dropped back to our respective homes after the evnt. Among the two, one was very doubtful if she would join me or not and hence kept changing her mind every 15 minutes. She changed her decision so often in the day that before we left for the event, I commented that she was being very undecisive. (as if I'm a quick decision maker. Ask my husband, he knows how wavering I'm). Her facial expression changed on this comment and I recognised that too. There was no point in regretting , for the mistake was already done. Within myself , I debated whether I have to apologise to her or whether the comment I made was in the right tone . The inner voice kept telling that something was not proper , but I failed to recognise what that was. Anyways, during the evnt , I was an enthusiatic participant in the various games conducted and I did win a few games too. When I won a few games, I even thought if this was a good sign that things were going to be alright. Little did I know that God was playing real life games with me , while I was playing some funny games in the event!!

Dr.G had asked me to go for a ultrasound on the 45th day to check the heart beat, foetal pole etc and then report to her. In the meantime, I could get Dr.H also over the phone and she also asked me to the same tablets which Dr.G prescribed. But, on a second thought, she asked me to wait till the 42nd day for a scan and if heart beat was seen, then start taking aspirin and progesterone. By this time, I'd already started taking aspirin and progesterone and decided to continue. 

I kept the husband also in the loop(though he was not in favour of consulting many doctors) on my conversation with Dr.G and the medicines she prescribed. He was insistent that I tell these medicines to mil. I was hesitant and kept postponing informing her because logically I thought what was the necessity to tell her.She is not a doctor and she doesnt know what these medicines mean, and secondly, more importantly, I was shit scared of what she might comment (I've had experience of listening to negative comments, or probably, I took them in a pessimistic way, while the mil was so-called practical). anyways, after invoking prayers to all gods , i tols her and i dont remember what she replied..

Now, the count down to the scan date started. I was working from home on and off during this time and praying all possible Gods and Godesses. On one particular day, (remember it was Vaikunta Ekadasi day), i spotted a little. I relaxed, was on bed-rest and since I have already seen copious amounts of bleeding last 2 times when I was pregnant, this spotting didnt terrify me, rather I was happy that the spottingw as very less and prayed hard for it to stop, and stop, it did after a day or two with mild spotting.

The D-day arrived, went for a scan early in the morning. Sonologist says "I cant see anything in the uterus" and double/triple checks if the UPT was positive. Also says endometrium is thick. Tells that he would do a vaginal scan. By this time, all hell broke loose, the world seemed to swirl around, didnt know what to do and I refused to co-operate for the vaginal scan. Called up Dr.N , she asked me to take a beta -HCG test and even without having results of sonogram or beta-HCG, she declared that mat be, next time, I need to go a IUI or ART methods of reproduction. I simply wanted to D.I.E that evry instant. I didnt want to live. I very badly wanted the beta-HCG to come negative , I wanted to get out of this pregnancy cycle. I wanted to lead a normal life...I was wanting all these, but destiny had other plans. Came back home after the beta-HCG, stress levels were multiplying, refused to eat (who wanted to eat at this time?), created a drama, fought with the husband (all the three times, including this one, everytime before the baby passed out, the husband and I fought) , and went to collect the beta-HCG report in the evening. The value was awhooping 10000. Called up Dr.N, since she was not consulting, she asked me to rush to Dr.A . Called up Dr.A , but got the response that she was closing the clinic and asked us to come the next day. I had to raise my voice and tell her that it was an emergency and Dr.N has directed me to her. Dr.A aksed me to go in for vaginal ultrasound immediately and even then, I refused  to believe that the foetus could be in the tube. The ultrasound confirmed that the foetus with its heart beat was happily sitting in the right tube. Dr.A forced us to admit me in the emergency ward immediately, she claimed that if the tube bursts, the blood loss would be huge , pulse rate could drop and I would faint and fall ..All these were hapening when I had no N.O. pain at all, no discomfort whatsoever, I started bleeding in the doctors clinic, other  than the bleeding, I didnt have any pain or alarming signal. Dr.AR , even without looking into where the foetus is in the tube, without any second thought, said she might have to remove the tube, right after the sonography results came out. How could she decide she has to remove the tube, just because foetus was stuck there? I begged her to remove only the foetus, for which she asked me to get admitted first and then they would decide in the operation theatre. I screamed in the road leading to the Dr's clinic, called up Dr.G (who consults at my parents place), Dr.G asked me to check with the Dr if the foetus could be removed by using medications or injections. (She quoted some name of the injection, which I dont remember right now) . Dr.G took Dr.AR's phone number and spoke to her. Dr.G called me back and told her that they would first try removing the foetus alone and spare the tube.

Got admitted, (ironically, I was put in the same bed as the previous time , before wheeling in for the D&C) , there was this picture of Lord Krishna , happily smiling seeing the leelais that he is doing on me. I was numb, just told him to do whatever He wantes to do to me and that I believe only in Him and He is the one who has to take care of me. I was praying and talking to Him, but He didnt seem to listen and I'm not sure when His ears will open for my prayers. I was too tired to even cry. I repeated to the husband over and over asking him to tell the Dr to only remove the foetus and spare the tube.

I was wheeled into the operation theatre, last I knew was Dr AR telling my brief history to the aneasthetist before levaing me in an unconscious state. I was furious with the Dr, with the husband, with in-laws, with parents , with God, with the whole world, I just wanted the earth to suck me in then and there.

Baby 3, I dont know (and wil never knwo) why you had to come, and go so soon taking away a tube of mine. I would have been more happier if you were to take me along with you. Atleast then, I would have been with you. Anyways, thanks for coming to me and re-itreating the fact that I can get pregnant. Be happy wherever you are.

Episode 2 ..continued

Ok, the miscarriage happened and I went to my parents place to recover from the trauma both physically and mentally. So, my case became the talk among relatives and had I known that relatives were going to pour in to my parents place to rejoice the engagement of one of my cousins, I would have delayed my travel. Anyways, I was recepient of very strong,sharp, caustic comments.  here I was wrigging with pain due to the painful D&C , and the loss of losing two babies in a period of 8 months, and listeneing to arbitrary comments/suggestions by relatives.

Now, the bleeding didnt stop even after 5 days after the D&C, so I happened to visit my friends mother who is a gynaecologist at my parents place and she gave a few tablets which would help the remnants , if any to come out. But , the medications didnt help. Thats when I realsied, the Dr who had done the D&C had screwed up, I had to undergo another check curettege and returned back to B'lore.

Even after the check curettege , the bleeding didnt stop, continued for a month. Since the scan did not show any abnormalities, the gynaec did not prescribe any medication and put me on a wait mode. But, the cycle did not regularise for about  3 months. Everytime, I had mestural bleeding for close to 15 days. Finally, I decided to break myself from the wait and watch mode and literally begged the Dr to atleast regularise the cycle, only then she put me on contraceptive pills for 3 months. and After this period, periods were regularised. By this time, it was already 8 months after the 2nd miscarriage and we started trying again. and before I knew it, I conceived again.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a very very happy and a propperous new year. New Years come and go , so are resolutions. In fact , I take resolutions all round the year ...resolutions taken seriously, but never kept up for long..This New Year, I would like to blog about my resolutions so that I can keep a tab on them and check how I've progressed or how the original resolutions have changed shape.

I resolve to live in the moment, be thankful for  all the wonderful things that I'm blessed with, have lesser grudge, not to lose hope, stengthen faith in the Supreme , think better , work harder, shed off pettiness to a large extent, ignore the actions of others that bother me, to not get pissed off with the husband for something others said or did, blog more, use time efficiently, enhance my knowledge on work realted subjects, not to get bothered about office politics, retain cool at times of pressure or difficulty both at home and work.

Lord, Give me the strength to pursue all the above resolutions and be my guiding light!!