Cal Trip - Day3

How come 2 days flew so fast? Felt like I was just on the flight, and now its time again to board the flight, this time, to return to routine..anyways, after much debate on the plans for the day, settled on visiting the science city. Checked out from the hotel, paid a visit to the Iskon enroute to Science city and then got dropped at Science city. Went around a few exhibits, and saw a 3-D show and a Documentary on the Nile River. The documentary was good.Met a family from TN and we got introduced to each other and went along with them to see some exhibits. Having another 1 hour to pass, croseed the road to check out on the handicrafts exhibition, but it was closed. Was supposed to open only in the later part of the day. Anyways, started the book which I'd cariied along. It was time to leave cal and head to B'lore. Enroute to the airport, M and his colleague were picked from their office and now the vacation comes to an end.
My aunt and uncle were at B'lore that day attending a wedding reception and this uncle was the one who was very keen to visit our house ever since we moved here. There wasnt enough time fro them to visit our home and then catch the bus at night. So, we drove from airport directly to the hotel where reception was happening, had dinner there, got introduced to a few distant relatives , saw aunt and uncle off to Chennai and we drove back home. It was good to be home!!

Cal trip-day2

Started the day with a sumptuous breakfast at the Taj. Met with one of husbands colleagues who beleives in the Isckon way. all through the breakfast, he got on to giving a discourse. because of which, I wasnt able to thoroughly enjoy the food. Before I left for the trip, I was attending a discourse by Nochur Sri.Venkataraman on Bhagavatham. The discourse was supposed to continue for another 3 days while I would be out of town. While listening to this person, I had a feeling I was not missing any of the spiritual discourse of Sri.Nochur V as I was already listening to one.!

I started the day with Victoria Memorial, spent a good two hours there, eductaing and re-capping what history books have taught. Left Victoria and went to India Museum. Spent another 3 good hours there, wondering at all the various exhibits ranging from science, medicine, geography, art, and what not. Left for the hotel and caught up with few portions of MMKR movie. Then, enquired about the steam/sauna at the hotel and left for the spa. This was going to be my first experience with spa. Tried the steam and jacuzzi, though couldnt enjoy completely.
When M came back after office, we got refreshed and went to Park Street. Walked along the by-lanes , and had dinner at one of the restaurants. Then, we went on a trip to view Colonial Calcutta. The guide cum chauffeur gave us information on the various buildings, how they came to have the names they bear now, age of the building etc. The drive was awesome . Returned back to the hotel and called it a day.

Calcutta, ahoy!

Calcutta aka Kolkata was the one metro among the erstwhile 4 metros of India which I had not visited till last week . When the better half informed that he was travelling to this place on business , I couldnt find a better opportunity to tag along and visit the place. So, there I booked the tickets , much to my own surprise without much thought and started googling about places to visit, eat and shop. I had even disclosed the travel plan to all who cared to ask and listen. Usually , so far, I havent had the habit of revealing my plans in detail to many. Now, I am having a vacation after a llong loong time (last time, we had been to Kurumba village enroute to Ooty many years ago). So, I decided to have a good time and not worry about office stuff or anything that would disturb me.

The previous day of our travel being International Womens Day, I was all dressed in a beautiful maroon saree to the office, had a good time enjoying  the events organised in our office. Had mehendi too which provided a cooling effect. Not sure if there is someone who conspires to somehow disrupt my peace, just after lunch, I see a series of emails asking for my comments/suggestions to solve a critical issue. Phew!! Of all times, should these mails come when I plan a vacation and just about to wrap up things at work?? Had discussion with colleague based out of the the same location I work in, made sure to assign work in my absence and asked people to ping me when I'm out of office. My boss calls me multiple times, but I'm unable to talk to him because of the low batetry and poor signal strength . Called up the boss later in the evening, informed him that I'll be unable to support the next 3 days, cant attend any conference calls and indirectly told him not to be disturbed. Got some lecture, nevertheless, this didnt put me off completely.

Took time to pack clothes, pack stuff that I might require for the travel and stay, and was all set. Wednesday(March 9th) dawned bright , we got readied and boarded the cab on the long drive to the airport. I've driving to the airport after about 3 years. All my flight travel prior to this one has been on work and this was teh first time I was taking the flight for personal reasons and more importantly taking the flight with the husband beside me. I tried my best to put office tension behind my back, and travel light. I wouldnt say I was 100% successful in not thinking about office, however, I was close to the mark :-). Squirmed in the flight, yes, I'm claustrophobic, couldnt get sleep, chatted with the better half . Poor thing, the husband had to get on to work once we alight from the plane. So, I was resisting myself from not pestering him too much.

Alighted from the plane in the humid Kolkata which welcomed us with a temperature of 35 degrees. Dropped husband in the office and I drove to central parts of the city where our booking for the hotel was done. I enter Taj bengal and I went WOW!! Every aspect in the Taj campus is a testimony to the brand , the luxury, the quality and the legacy!! I have stayed in good resorts in the past, but this one, though not a resort is the first 5 -star rated hotel I was vacationing in. Freshened up , and was time for lunch. Upon husband's insistence, I reluctantly went to The Hub in the premises of Taj. Why reluctant? because I was not very OK with spending all of 1500 bucks for food, on myslef. Was very unsure even after entering the restaurant. Not sure what made me start with the starters. Had a 5 course meal, relaxed, enjoyed the food and the ambience.

Came back to the room, checked the calcutta guide,ordered for a DVD player, browsed the channels in the TV and dozed off, only to wake up when I call from the husband. Now, the DVD player also came, and I watched some portion of a movie whose dvd I had carried along. Dressed up, and was now ready to paint the city. Checked with the concierge the timing of Kali Mandir. Now, I was already having a nagging feeling about spending on lunch( I need to make a point here: I'm no miser. I love to spend, love to buy stuff and indulge my loved ones than indulging myself). so I was a lil bit averse about spending about 30 bucks a kilometer on the taxi, if arranged via the hotel. Inspite of the husband insisting on taking the taxi from the hotel, I walked out on the road , bravely in a city totally new , in a city where I dont understand the local language, and only posses an average Hindi speaking ability.

Saw a few people on the road just waving their hand to board in to a taxi. I did the same too and asked to be taken to Kali Mandir. I was dropped at the temple and I was charged 30 bucks for what the meter said Rs.17. I wasnt sure if I need to argue with my poor Hindi speaking skill. hence, got the change and proceeded twoards the temple. As soon as I stepped down from the taxi a group of priests swarmed around giving details about the rates to be paid for a quick darshan to the Goddess. I dismissed them and walked forward and could see only a line of stores usually found in front of teh temples . I couldnt spot any trace of the temple gopuram which is usually seen in the temples of the South.  I asked for directions from a passer by and proceeded forward. Waited in a long queue , while on the queue, observed that devotees were performing waht I assume to be archanas. A lady who stood behind me told me details of what is the bes way to get these pujas done in a Bengali mixed Hindi. Had a darshan of the Goddess, and now, proceeded to Birla Mandir. The taxi driver was not sure of the timings of the temple , nevertheless, I went to the temple. There, we are not supposed to carry camera and there wasnt any locker safe. Hence, with the guidance of the security guards in the temple, I left the camera with the Calcutta Ploice who were stationed in fornt of the temple. There were 3 men, 2 in uniform and the third in plain clothes. The two uniform-clad men directed me to deposit the camera to the man in plain clothes. I blindly trusted these men and left my newly bought camera with him and proceeded to the temple. On returning from the temple, thankfully, the camera was safe.

Back at the hotel, freshened up, M and I left for dinner. We chose the Mediterranean cuisine at Taj..Need I tell that the food was awesome. But, one fact which proved to be true yet again is that you really need to ne a non-vegetarian when you like to taste different kinds of food. Because, even in the mediterranean  menu, we hardly had options to choose from , being a vegetarian. Anyways, the quality and taste was awesome and we called it a day.

30 days of self-restraint

March 7 -April 5 : Period to watch out the words that come in jet speed from me when in rage. Period to observe how I tame my anger. Self test period where in I test how strong willed and determined I am. This period will see how I slow down, take life as it comes, not blame anyone for things that are beyond my control, especially the husband. Time to accept things that were and that are and try my best to look up at the postive side of things ..Off late, I'm getting consumed by an uncontrollable rage at the rate of once a week, which is definitely not doing any good to my phsical and mental health , to my husand , to whom I take the rage and vent , and to us , our marriage which is getting shakier by the day due to my behaviour. So, I'm determined to observe this self-restraint period and this blog will record the highlights of each day . We'll see how it goes and the outcome at the end of one month.

Will update this post every night or the next day morning .

Wordless Wednesday - 1

To work or not

Spoke with one of my friends after a looong time and we took the opportunity to update each other. Since the two of us are sailing different boats, but on the same lake towards the same destination,, when we voiced out our concerns, fears, opinions, emotions buried under our so called happy faces, it felt as if we were having a conversation with our own mirror image.. Yes, it was not surprising to find the similar thoughts that goes on in our minds, still surprising that we were able to voice it out.Probably, we have grown so tired keeping thinks to ourselves. Since it was a weekday and we couldn’t continue our banter for a long time being at work place, we had to cut short. We have been planning to meet up (our residences are 5 kms apart!)  for the last 2 years and still haven’t found the time to do it.  That’s my other goal in the next 2 months. Fix up a time and meet up, else days, weeks, months will roll by and we will always have some reason to postpone.

This friend of mine , H and I have been considering quitting our respective jobs and taking a break for quite some time now, but have always been ambivalent about the same . This time, she tells me that she has decided to quit and have already submitted papers at work place. Now, this has got me thinking ,(this has been in my thoughts for a long time, but now, the thought has only popped to the front and the thinking has become more intense) on the same lines. I’m unable to reach a conclusion, as always.

One part of me wants to try it out , that’s is, take a break from work so that I can be relieved of the stress that comes from travelling to and fro to the work place ,relieved of the hassles due to work itself and the politics at work. Mom suggests that by being at home , I could take care of my health better and the relative stress free environment will do good to me. While I’m very much OK with this, the other part of me is not sure if staying at home all day, for weeks together will keep me sane. As in, I will tend to keep thinking about only one thing (as such, I’m obsessed single mindedly about only one thing for the last few years now), which will in turn spoil my mental health. This part argues that atleast the routine of going to work will keep me occupied .

I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been in this cross roads for a long time and now, I would like to take a decision and be at peace with it.Every now and then, this thought pops up, whether I should continue to work or quit and take a break. The better half is very much open to the idea of quitting job but has left the decision making part to me. I do not know what to do. On one side, I would like to try it out, as this is one of the things that I haven’t tried yet. On the other hand, I dread being at home at a stretch , waiting for a miracle to happen. With nothing to do,(other than cooking and surfing and reading), I might tend to get more depressed. The day I find that I’ve conceived, I’m going to stop going to work, but till then, what is it that I need to do? My gynaec suggests that I don’t stress myself, but she doesn’t prevent me from going to work. She says it’s a call that I have to take. Does any of you know if staying at home is suggested by doctors for conceiving ? Does it really help? I know people have these doubts of whether to continue to work or give up after they have their babies. I’m here, not sure what is the right thing to do even while ttc. Suggestions are welcome.

When do you learn ...?

It is my assumption that many children born into middle class/upper middle class Indian families in the 80's should have had the good fortune to obtain decent eductaion, nutritious food, roof above their heads, freinds to play with after school hours, siblings to bond with and to fight with, cousins to spend vacations joyously and grandparents who visit them regularly .Though parents would have found it difficult many a times to make ends meet, what with they having to help an uncle for his medical needs, giving some cash to a cousin for some urgent requirement on his business, keeping some jewels in the pawn shop to repay 2 months EMI, attend few functions and gift cash to the hosts, make sure the unexpected guests are fed well , (the list goes on..) the parents would have made sure that the needs and many times , the children's wants also are satisfied . Children grow up , enter good colleges, earn degrees, get placed, move up in the corporate ladder, get married , have children of their own and life goes on...

In this cycle, everyone faces problems at various times and at varying degrees of intensity. When you a child, protecting a toy from our sibling/cousin would have been a bigger problem, as a student of grade7, completing enxt days homework would have emerged a serious problem of the day, scoring good marks in public exams would have the top most and life defining priority in classes 10 and 12 ....and this list also goes on..

But, when does one learn to deal with more complex issues in life? Why do some people repsond to crisis in such a way that they have always been in crisis and dealing with them? How come some behave in times of utmost despair with a smile in their lips and courage in their hearts? Who teaches some people very early in life that there are certain things that we cannot control and just flow with what happens in life? What makes some people remain calm and composed in trying circumstances? How can a few see the silver lining in a problem then and there? How are a few people able to look into the bright side of things , consider the glass to be half full and not be bogged down by any earthquake or volcano in their lives?

When I look around friends and colleagues, (I do know some issues faced by a few of them), they all seem to have the emotional balance , they dont seem to have a bad temper, they just dont care for what othes say or think, they simply take life as it comes and not worry too much about anything..They seem to be in a peaceful state all the time.. Is it that their lives are as smooth or are they determined not to be bogged down by anything?

In my case , I seem to have put my life on hold for the last 5 years waiting for a miracle to happen and then start. I havent done anything significant eithr at work or in personal life all these years..I've been on a single minded obsession to have a baby and then start with life. All my interest , hobbies have gone under the carpet deep enough that I'm now struggling to remember what they are/were. I'm simply bogged down by all thats happening beyond my control . Where is the shirpy, enthusiatic SM?

I look at people around me..I have known people who get married, claim that they want to enjoy lives (whatever that means) for 2 years and then have a baby. And viola, after 2 years, they are in the family way, join back office after their maternity leaves. How come life happens to them as they wish., like a time-table? I know a certain others who havent been bothered about why they were not conceiving even after 5/6 years of marriage. It is definitely so nice to see them and learn lessons from them..That there is no point in whining/cribbing/putting life on hold..Children happen when they are meant to.

I do understand that there are many in the world who battle with severe/complicated problems . But, at times, when emotions well up, all the blessings that I've been bestowed upon, all the good things I have, all the grace is forgotten and gone with the wind and I end up having a rage, as to "why me??? " . From today, I'm taking an oath (i've taken and broken this oath many many times now, but nevertheless, I'm doing it again with a stronger determination) that I will be in control of my anger/emotions/rage and I'm going to take life as it comes and I'm sure the supreme power does have plans for me.

Now, why did I mention about children, growing up and such in the beginning of this post? Yeah..its is because, I'm finding it difficult to tide through these difficult times which I'm thrown into. I wouldnt say, prior to this, I'vent had problems in life, but I've tackled them and moved forward..I've always been under the impression that if one works hard (be it studying or at work), then results are deterministic. I've faced people issues, which are difficult to be solved via hard work, but have navigated throgh them. But this particular situation that I'm in is something for which I have no absolute control, but still, I'm always trying to find a solution, find ways in which things can be made to wrok the way I want to, I have a constant nagging feeling that I'm not doing something which will do the miracle and based on this feeling, I'm always antsy, susceptible to anger quickly, pick up a fight with the husband , start finding reasons /find people to blame to for all that I'm going through. On a deep introspection and from feedback from the better half/parents, I do realsie that I've been quite pampered all the while and now, when caught in a difficult situation and when I'm completely helpless, everything goes hay-wire and I loose cool very often. Thats why I wanted to know when do people learn life skills? some people seem to learn or atleast behave in such a way that they have learnt very important lessons for life right from when they were infants? Is that true? Am I the one to be overtaken by anger and the negative stuff which in turn does no good to both my physical and mental health?? Dont you get angry at all? Dont you show your rage on the better half ?