I'm a person who takes in every word of what people (ok, read : friends, relatives , extended family, some colleagues) say to my heart, brain, mind, and every other part of my body (: Because of this, I get stressed quite easily and more importantly, this behavior of mine has allowed others to control me. In the sense, if I do not like what they say, that has en effect on my mood, which shows in the actions I do and until I get calmed down, my whole productivity is gone . On top of it, I just torture myself, which isn't good for my physical and mental well-being.
The best part of all this is that in spite of me realizing how this is affecting me and taking a resolution more number of times than the years in Anno Domini , I haven't changed completely. After certain instances, I used to think I'm getting better only to realize the next time that I'm in the same place and haven't improved. I'm very tired of myself. After hours of introspection every now and then, I used to get to the core of the problem and see what is causing me to behave in this way and find solutions to rectify it.
The effect of such a behavior has led me to not be in touch (read as : Not talk or have any sort of communication) with those that have hurt me in the past. This is the result of the inherent fear within me as to what if during the conversation, they hurt me and I go into this cycle of getting depressed, brood over it , spoil my mood, show it on all those near and dear and then later, after the "realization" of the stupidity I've been doing for the past many hours, then come out of it. Just fear. I know every well that is is baseless fear, senseless fear. In spite of the sane mind knowing all of these, the insane mind takes over and I would like to improve in this area starting this year. I may not overcome this immediately, but hopefully, in the near future, I shed this fear and start communicating with fear without the fear and more importantly, if they hurt me, just let go and not take it anywhere within , even to my nails (which can be cut when it grows).
The best part of all this is that in spite of me realizing how this is affecting me and taking a resolution more number of times than the years in Anno Domini , I haven't changed completely. After certain instances, I used to think I'm getting better only to realize the next time that I'm in the same place and haven't improved. I'm very tired of myself. After hours of introspection every now and then, I used to get to the core of the problem and see what is causing me to behave in this way and find solutions to rectify it.
The effect of such a behavior has led me to not be in touch (read as : Not talk or have any sort of communication) with those that have hurt me in the past. This is the result of the inherent fear within me as to what if during the conversation, they hurt me and I go into this cycle of getting depressed, brood over it , spoil my mood, show it on all those near and dear and then later, after the "realization" of the stupidity I've been doing for the past many hours, then come out of it. Just fear. I know every well that is is baseless fear, senseless fear. In spite of the sane mind knowing all of these, the insane mind takes over and I would like to improve in this area starting this year. I may not overcome this immediately, but hopefully, in the near future, I shed this fear and start communicating with fear without the fear and more importantly, if they hurt me, just let go and not take it anywhere within , even to my nails (which can be cut when it grows).
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