Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Carelessness and me

Many a times, I am called a "sandeha praani", especially when it comes to double-triple checking if the doors etc are locked when we go on a journey , check if whoever is accompanying me has got the balance change from the cashier, look out for any items that have fallen off or misplaced while coming out of a restaurant etc.. As much careful as I'm in the above circumstances,  equally careless I'm on the rest of the occasions.

I've lost many such materialistic stuff due to my carelessness.(: . When I loose something, the guilt or the sadness of parting with the stuff is more severe when the loss is due to my carelessness than otherwise..
I lost a gold chain during my train journey from Chennai to Bangalore years ago. I realized that I had lost it after I came near Jayanagar from Majestic. I couldnt do anything..I thought briefly about going back to Majestic and searching the train (it would take atleast 20 mins in the traffic-less mornings and I remembered that the train would stop at Bangalore for 30 minutes before it started its way to Mysore), but somehow felt it to be futile and dropped the idea..I felt very bad about losing it, but I couldnt do much about it..Yes, I should have checked on it before leaving the train, but it is another  fact  that I woke up after the train had long stationed at Bangalore central . So, I had to get out of the train before it moved again..such tired and drowsy I was after all the roaming around in Chennai the day before the travel. Since that episode, I always make it a point to check on my neck ,hands and ears before leaving the train.The point here is, I regretted for not checking on it while leaving the train , but I was convinced that it was stolen. But the guilt was not that much when compared to when I lost two of my gold- earrings right when they were placed at my bed-side table.

Yes, first time when one pair of ear-rings got lost, it was quite certain that the maid's daughter who had come in only for that day and absconded the next day had taken it..For how else one could explain the sudden disappearance of the jewel when I saw it on Saturday and didnt find it on Monday morning and no one even entered our house. This time, I kept thinking for a long time that I could have had the jewel to myself if I had placed it inside the cup-board instead of the bed-side table. Since our maid is quite good and I assumed that her daughter also would posses a good character, I didnt bother about making sure that I kept these costly stuff locked in. Mil repeated numerous times after this episode asking me to put every single thing, even if they are a few coins , to put them inside the cup-board and keep them locked. I nodded my head very well and in fact followed this in the immediate aftermath of this incident . But slowly, the old self showed up again and after a year, on a fine day, I happened to place another ear-ring on my bed-side table and viola, the maid's daughter comes in and the ear-ring is no-more..I felt terrible on myself for being so careless and not learning from the mistake even after experiencing a similar incident earlier..Even now, the thought about losing the second time makes me feel so damn bad about myself..It was due to my sheer carelessness. Though it was a theft, I could have easily avoided it , having experienced it once earlier..

Today, I got the balance change from the bus conductor during my morning travel and instead of placing it inside the wallet, I stuffed the rupee notes into my mobile pouch..I knew that it could fall anytime, but due to sheer laziness , I just stuffed it then..It fell down a couple of times when I fiddled with the phone in meetings, but still didnt put the money in its right place..I remember seeing the money being present until about 4:30PM or so..and viola, when I leave the office for the day at around 6PM, it is missing..The change is smaller in value (about 55 bucks), but I felt terrible on myself for being so damn careless..

There have been many circumstances where I've felt more guilt and generally scolded myslef for losing something due to my carelessness rather than if the loss has been due to someone else stealing it away or losing it inspite of being careful from my end..If I do my duty properly, the bad feeling tends to subside quite soon and if not, it persists a long time..


  1. now you have more than two experiences, am sure you wont be careless the next time :)

  2. Yes Visha,
    These days,ever since the second ear-ring incident, am making it a point to stash everything inside the cup-board before I leave..In order to be doubly-triply sure, the "doubtful-praani" inside me calls up the MIL, husband on the way to office and ask them to check if the cup-boards are locked and if they see something kept outside..Had to experience the loss to learn a lesson and be careful though(: nevertheless, one big lesson learnt :)