Friday, July 27, 2012

Where was I?

very much here..Buried with work on weekdays and two weekends were spent travelling. I wouldnt say I simply didnt have the time to blog, if I'd been determined to write a post every day as I'd decided in the beginning of the month,I would have done. Once I missed two days due to travel, the mind started making excuses to slip every single day thereafter..But, I need to mention that I was working like crazy this month..There is an impending project milestone and too many issues to tackle at work front..And with two maids bunking and quitting jobs even without informing, took a toll on physical energy too...

It was Guruvayoor one weekend and Kanchipuram, the next..Yes,the trips were for visiting God at various places :) and seeking His Blessings ! We had early morning darshan (Nirmalya Darshan) at 3AM in Guruvayoor for which we queued up at 1:30 AM. The route that we took was pleasant, through the ghat section via Mudumalai and Wayanad district.Spotted few animals on the way..
Kanchipuram trip saw us with a driver who had to be constantly reminded not to doze off and who drove the vehicle at 60kmph when the entire highway had only one vehicle, which was ours. We had planned to visit 4 temples, but could visit only 3 from that list, since the 4th one was closed and there was no clarity on if it would open that evening. It was a day trip and we had not planned to stay over the night. So,came back , but I was upset and pondered over as to why God had decided not to give His darshan that day. My husband,S, is not a temple person, meaning, he doesnt believe in praying to specific God's in specific temples, and I'd almost given up in asking him if we can go visit temples. S told repeatedly that this was the list list of temples (Guruvayoor : S's mom has been asking him to take a trip to Guruvayoor for last close to year and a half or so) that he would accompany in this pursuit of pro-creation. With this being the case, why did God not give His darshan to us that day, when we made this trip after months of debating.

The silver lining in this is I got over my moodiness in considerably short time , after all the voices and conflicts that was ongoing in the mind and heart came out in form of tears..I decided whatever has happened as happened and that I will move on and was praying for strength to accept things that come my way.

And I know that I havent kept up th eone-day-a-post which I thought of trying..Let me see if I can do this at a different time.


  1. Good for you, you have allowed yourself to come of the conflicting ideas that has been plaguing your mind. Thinking deeply always shows us the right path, and once we are on the right path no one can bother us.
    You must also understand that by vsiting temples you cannot get what you dearly desire. It would only turn you to be more negative towards God. God is there right within you, you can keep your conversation with him all the time. Wishing the very best in life!

    1. Rama ji,So true..Once our thoughts are clear , noone can disturb us..Even if they do, we can come out it real quick..But,even if I'm determined and resolve within myself that I would "change" my attitude/behaviour to certain situations(I mean a "willing change" ), when the moment (moment of "test") comes, the old devil pops up (: I then convince myself that this change, cannot be seen overnight and over a period of time, and with continous and conscious practice, I can hone my behaviour and will only become a habit after quite some time..I get pissed off with myself getting stuck between wanting to change and not actually exhibiting it when the time comes..
      On the temple visiting part, yes,I've decided (and already implementing this resolve :) ) that I'm going to distub S in asking him to accompany me..If I wish to go to any temple, I would go and if he wishes to accompany, he can..I'm going to pester him to visit one temple after another ..I've only wasted lot of our together-time with arguments and fights because of this..

  2. Ramya.. I can totally understand how you felt that day.. I become too moody and sad if this sort of thing happens to me.. I will ponder over it again and again until I lose my physical and mental strength. At the end, it feels like, it has happened for a reason.

    I really enjoy reading at your space, just that I have difficulty getting notification on new post :( Keep writing more!

    1. GB dear..Thank you for affirming that these emotions are pretty normal..:) Sometimes, after all the pondering,feeling bad, feeling "why -me" sessions are over and done with, I start feeling bad about my own behaviour..especially, when I've hurt S (poor thing, it is he who gets the brunt of my mixed-up,silly emotions and anger) in those situations!