Sunday, February 20, 2011

When do you learn ...?

It is my assumption that many children born into middle class/upper middle class Indian families in the 80's should have had the good fortune to obtain decent eductaion, nutritious food, roof above their heads, freinds to play with after school hours, siblings to bond with and to fight with, cousins to spend vacations joyously and grandparents who visit them regularly .Though parents would have found it difficult many a times to make ends meet, what with they having to help an uncle for his medical needs, giving some cash to a cousin for some urgent requirement on his business, keeping some jewels in the pawn shop to repay 2 months EMI, attend few functions and gift cash to the hosts, make sure the unexpected guests are fed well , (the list goes on..) the parents would have made sure that the needs and many times , the children's wants also are satisfied . Children grow up , enter good colleges, earn degrees, get placed, move up in the corporate ladder, get married , have children of their own and life goes on...

In this cycle, everyone faces problems at various times and at varying degrees of intensity. When you a child, protecting a toy from our sibling/cousin would have been a bigger problem, as a student of grade7, completing enxt days homework would have emerged a serious problem of the day, scoring good marks in public exams would have the top most and life defining priority in classes 10 and 12 ....and this list also goes on..

But, when does one learn to deal with more complex issues in life? Why do some people repsond to crisis in such a way that they have always been in crisis and dealing with them? How come some behave in times of utmost despair with a smile in their lips and courage in their hearts? Who teaches some people very early in life that there are certain things that we cannot control and just flow with what happens in life? What makes some people remain calm and composed in trying circumstances? How can a few see the silver lining in a problem then and there? How are a few people able to look into the bright side of things , consider the glass to be half full and not be bogged down by any earthquake or volcano in their lives?

When I look around friends and colleagues, (I do know some issues faced by a few of them), they all seem to have the emotional balance , they dont seem to have a bad temper, they just dont care for what othes say or think, they simply take life as it comes and not worry too much about anything..They seem to be in a peaceful state all the time.. Is it that their lives are as smooth or are they determined not to be bogged down by anything?

In my case , I seem to have put my life on hold for the last 5 years waiting for a miracle to happen and then start. I havent done anything significant eithr at work or in personal life all these years..I've been on a single minded obsession to have a baby and then start with life. All my interest , hobbies have gone under the carpet deep enough that I'm now struggling to remember what they are/were. I'm simply bogged down by all thats happening beyond my control . Where is the shirpy, enthusiatic SM?

I look at people around me..I have known people who get married, claim that they want to enjoy lives (whatever that means) for 2 years and then have a baby. And viola, after 2 years, they are in the family way, join back office after their maternity leaves. How come life happens to them as they wish., like a time-table? I know a certain others who havent been bothered about why they were not conceiving even after 5/6 years of marriage. It is definitely so nice to see them and learn lessons from them..That there is no point in whining/cribbing/putting life on hold..Children happen when they are meant to.

I do understand that there are many in the world who battle with severe/complicated problems . But, at times, when emotions well up, all the blessings that I've been bestowed upon, all the good things I have, all the grace is forgotten and gone with the wind and I end up having a rage, as to "why me??? " . From today, I'm taking an oath (i've taken and broken this oath many many times now, but nevertheless, I'm doing it again with a stronger determination) that I will be in control of my anger/emotions/rage and I'm going to take life as it comes and I'm sure the supreme power does have plans for me.

Now, why did I mention about children, growing up and such in the beginning of this post? Yeah..its is because, I'm finding it difficult to tide through these difficult times which I'm thrown into. I wouldnt say, prior to this, I'vent had problems in life, but I've tackled them and moved forward..I've always been under the impression that if one works hard (be it studying or at work), then results are deterministic. I've faced people issues, which are difficult to be solved via hard work, but have navigated throgh them. But this particular situation that I'm in is something for which I have no absolute control, but still, I'm always trying to find a solution, find ways in which things can be made to wrok the way I want to, I have a constant nagging feeling that I'm not doing something which will do the miracle and based on this feeling, I'm always antsy, susceptible to anger quickly, pick up a fight with the husband , start finding reasons /find people to blame to for all that I'm going through. On a deep introspection and from feedback from the better half/parents, I do realsie that I've been quite pampered all the while and now, when caught in a difficult situation and when I'm completely helpless, everything goes hay-wire and I loose cool very often. Thats why I wanted to know when do people learn life skills? some people seem to learn or atleast behave in such a way that they have learnt very important lessons for life right from when they were infants? Is that true? Am I the one to be overtaken by anger and the negative stuff which in turn does no good to both my physical and mental health?? Dont you get angry at all? Dont you show your rage on the better half ?

3 comments:

  1. Dear R,

    It's hard to go thro what you are going thro without questioning why me ?

    others who kindly decide that they need to advice Without being asked is especially irritating ( maybe the intention is good, or maybe it's our culture to become instant experts and dole out advice regardless of whether it's asked for). release the steam on your spouse. It's quite hard 4 him , perhaps not equally hard but it is quite painful. And remember that you both are in this journey together.

    Look back 10 years from today and try to remember the worst things that bugged you then and when you will look back at that problem today it seems insignificant today right ?

    We don't have control over certain things in our life and you are going through one tough one right now. Hang in there.

    Life some times throws these challenges that that dont

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  2. Dear R,

    It's hard to go thro what you are going thro without questioning why me ?

    others who kindly decide that they need to advice Without being asked is especially irritating ( maybe the intention is good, or maybe it's our culture to become instant experts and dole out advice regardless of whether it's asked for). Dont release the steam on your spouse. It's quite hard 4 him , perhaps not equally hard but it is quite painful. And remember that you both are in this journey together.

    Look back 10 years from today and try to remember the worst things that bugged you then and when you will look back at that problem today it seems insignificant today right ?

    We don't have control over certain things in our life and you are going through one tough one right now. Hang in there.

    Life some times throws these challenges that that dont have answers, and remember 1+1 some times doesn't add up to 2 for all Some get 1.5 and others get 2.5 ----- not fair but it is what it is

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hugs, Craigs! Thanks for putting things in perspective.

    ReplyDelete