Insane fear

I'm a person who takes in every word of what people (ok, read : friends, relatives , extended family, some colleagues) say to my heart, brain, mind, and every other part of my body (: Because of this, I get stressed quite easily and more importantly, this behavior of mine has allowed others to control me. In the sense, if I do not like what they say, that has en effect on my mood, which shows in the actions I do and until I get calmed down, my whole productivity is gone . On top of it, I just torture myself, which isn't good for my physical and mental well-being.

The best part of all this is that in spite of me realizing how this is affecting me and taking a resolution more number of times than the years in Anno Domini , I haven't changed completely. After certain instances, I used to think I'm getting better only to realize the next time that I'm in the same place and haven't improved. I'm very tired of myself.  After hours of introspection every now and then, I used to get to the core of the problem and see what is causing me to behave in this way and find solutions to rectify it.

The effect of such a behavior has led me to not be in touch (read as : Not talk or have any sort of communication) with those that have hurt me in the past. This is the result of the inherent fear within me as to what if during the conversation, they hurt me and I go into this cycle of getting depressed, brood over it , spoil my mood, show it on all those near and dear and then later, after the "realization" of the stupidity I've been doing for the past many hours, then come out of it. Just fear. I know every well that is is baseless fear, senseless fear. In spite of the sane mind knowing all of these, the insane mind takes over and I would like to improve in this area starting this year. I may not overcome this immediately, but hopefully, in the near future, I shed this fear and start communicating with fear without the fear and more importantly, if they hurt me, just let go and not take it anywhere within , even to my nails (which can be cut when it grows).

Hearing lots a good news

Last few days, I've been hearing news of people welcoming little bundle of jou in their lives..Feeling happy for them..such news bring in some kinda hope within me, that miracles are possible..Waiting for my turn..Is someone up there listening?
Office work is a little ok these days, compared to the madness that existed in the previous months..Sat for the year end discussion and got loaded with all the expectations that the management expects from me..Was feeling not very Ok for the few days, was constantly thinking if I made a wrong decision by shifting jobs, but made peace within myslef and decided to take one day at a time, do whatever I can at work and leave the rest to the Lord above..Have decided not to add up work related stress on myself..
Went to Chennai to attend an engagement ceremony..Days preceeding to the travel, I underwent so much of an emotional stress ..The very thought of every Tom,Dick and Harry checking up on me if if I was getting my periods regularly, if there was any good news, if I was consulting Doctors, or what the Doctors were suggesting etc and etc..simply killed me and I tried my best not to take it on to my husband (which I usually end up doing, though unintentionally and out of getting to saturation point within myself). This time I did fare well comparatively, but I need to work harder on this aspect.
Looks like one of my cousins had an early morning dream that I delivered a baby girl and had named her Priyanka and this dream  was doing the rounds in the family circle  and people were wishing that this dream be true. I appreciate the fact that the cousin (whom I 'm not in touch with ) dreamt something nice , and shared it..but the news doing the rounds was not was I liked...anyways, not everything I like happens anyways..But was just wondering if people were doing a comedy out of me and my situation by passing the word along..Anyways, let her dream come true..
Sometimes, or rather last couple of days, I've been feeling very low and the thoughts of whom to blame for whatever has happened, and thoughts of what-if I'd taken a different decision has been doing rounds in my devilish brain and I'm feeling highly dis-oriented and not sure what to do..
I'm trying hard to focus , have the faith , accept the fact that whatever happens, its due to the will of the Lord..I'm trying, I hope I get some peace within me and try to build on the faith in the Almighty.
Whoever is reading (if at all there are any), can you please help me in telling what you would do when the going gets tough, really tough that too for a longer duration..I know there is no one -set formula or a list of guidelines or steps to follow that will help us get up from the fall, but would like to know if I 'm the one reacting to a difficult situation this way, that others are matured and deal sensibly. My friend and I always keep discussing that if it were for someone else, they would have faced/face this situation in a much better way..