Feeling terrible today..

Scolded Ajju today. Well, if I have to be honest to myself, this is not the first time..Last 2 months, I have been losing my patience over the antics and tantrums (that seem simple now in hindsight) of the little darling..A lot of things happening at the same time is overwhelming me and I lose my patience on the little brat. After all the stress settles down, I do realise that she is way way better than all the tantrums that I have done and still do to my parents. Inspire of taking a resolution umpteen times that I will control my stress/anger, will not show it on her, will be patient with her even if she tests my patience, will control my mouth, will zip my mouth, etc, I still fail..Just as I have failed today. I'm feeling very terrible. I think I'm the worst mother in the whole wide world. Seriously, which child does not test his/her parents patience? Aren't all the mother's being patient and dealing with their children? Why can't I be nice with my daughter? Why am I not able to come trolley my temper? Why am I not learning from my mistakes and committing the same mistake over and over? When will I ever learn? Will I ever? 

This is the last and final warning for myself. I want to change .. Sincerely I want to change in this aspect. I've put this down here so that next time if at all I misbehave,  I really don't know how I'm going to punish myself.. Universe and the higher power, please please help me succeed in this endeavor. I'm going to take it one day at a time, let's see..