A very good friend of mine is not in her ususal good spirits off late and the reason being she and her husband are going through rough times of their married life. Since she couldnt take it any longer, flood gates opened one fine day and she burst out narrating what she was going through. Knowing her since school days and knowing her husband too, I can vouch that both of them are among gem of people and have a wonderful character. I was very sure that this was just another fight among them ,but a little more than a normal one and probably they were in a tiff so often in a short duration that it seemed to her , that they were constantly at cross with each other. I reassured her that fights do happen between husband and wife in most of the marriages and my husband and I fight like cats and dogs too. I tried my best to cheer her up and gave gyaan as to what she could do from her part, like controlling her tongue and not spit out words in anger ..
But, she came back after a month and expressed that her marriage wasnt working and she was thinking of the dreadful "D". I was shocked to hear this. Atleast, between the two of us, she is the one who is most adjusting and accomodating and whatever little I knew of her marraiage, both of them were letting go each other during troubled times. I tried to talk /counsel her and finally told her that in my opinion, if it required that she has to step up and walk those extra few or many steps to make their marriage work, she has to do it. In no way , she should give up , especially in such short duration and try and keep trying and not lose faith.
I've always been of the opinion that when a man and woman are united through marriage of mutual consent, they could always make the marriage work. I agree that there will be difefrences , infact lots of them every single day, but, if they want to, they could remain inside the marriage and still have space and respect for each other . I agree that its very very difficult to put in practice, my own married life is an example of how rocky a marriage can be, but, still, there will be something that will make their marriage work, just that it is the willingness of the couple is what is required to take the extra step.
My friend's take on this is: Things can only be tried and re-tried for a certain duration. After some time, it gets worse day after day. If things dont work , then why live under the same roof committed to one another, but still hating each other and undergoing the mental trauma ? Instead , why not seperate and be at peace?"
Whats your take?
But, she came back after a month and expressed that her marriage wasnt working and she was thinking of the dreadful "D". I was shocked to hear this. Atleast, between the two of us, she is the one who is most adjusting and accomodating and whatever little I knew of her marraiage, both of them were letting go each other during troubled times. I tried to talk /counsel her and finally told her that in my opinion, if it required that she has to step up and walk those extra few or many steps to make their marriage work, she has to do it. In no way , she should give up , especially in such short duration and try and keep trying and not lose faith.
I've always been of the opinion that when a man and woman are united through marriage of mutual consent, they could always make the marriage work. I agree that there will be difefrences , infact lots of them every single day, but, if they want to, they could remain inside the marriage and still have space and respect for each other . I agree that its very very difficult to put in practice, my own married life is an example of how rocky a marriage can be, but, still, there will be something that will make their marriage work, just that it is the willingness of the couple is what is required to take the extra step.
My friend's take on this is: Things can only be tried and re-tried for a certain duration. After some time, it gets worse day after day. If things dont work , then why live under the same roof committed to one another, but still hating each other and undergoing the mental trauma ? Instead , why not seperate and be at peace?"
Whats your take?
life is hard,and its quite sucky sometimes. its when you let too many little things pile up on you that it gets too heavy to support and the once strong pillar start to crumble. Having said that, marriage is about give and take, both need to sit down and understand what their priorities in life are. Can both of them be open to taking a piece of paper and start listing what they hate most about their better half does or doesnt do. Will they have the guts to recognize the silly ones to discard from the list and work on the ones that matter. They need to do this, before the better1/2 becomes the bitter1/2. You can give in to a lot of things, and let wounds heal. But some wounds dont heal, these are the ones that kills a part of you (infidelity for instance), and too many of these wounds dont leave much room for compromise. Is the list that bad that there is no turning back.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment craigs. Indeed, this was one of the ideas that I gave my friend, asking both of them to sit down with a pen and paper and list down. Havent heard from her since. Your view poinst are very much true. Marriage, like many other things in life, needs to be worked upon, sincerely and conscioulsy too. Not that the copule will never have a fight or heated arguments, but there should be some space to compromise on each others failings too. Thanks for stopping by the blog
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