Dishyum Dishyum

Among many fantasy inspired thoughts I had, one of it was that when a couple welcome a baby, they also welcome a even stronger relationship between them which has very less fights and misunderstandings ..Thanks to all the dialogues in movies and soaps , this thought only strengthened within me. When S and I used to fight earlier, I used to convince myself and even vocalize to S that once we have a baby, we may have very less tiffs.

Ajju graces our lives and home. Now, we seem to fight more. Well, read as : I seem to fight more with S than earlier. I lose patience with him more easily, spurt out unnecessary words, pick up a fight for silly stuff , have disagreements on some of the aspects of his parenting and what not..

Not sure if I'm the only one on this boat or is it normal? Inspite of the fact that I keep taking a oath to myself that from today, from tomorrow, from now on I need to be very nice to S but I have been failing in actions many a times these days(:

With the list of things to do at home, with baby, at work, I dont seem to find enough time to even internalize it , feel guilty and come out with a stronger resolve. I dont know why I fight so much. S being the sweetheart that he is, has been very understanding and being quite adjusting, forgiving and forgetting. But, I cant test his patience right.
I have read elsewhere that women tend to forget (well, put husband in backseat) their husbands when a baby arrives, atleast in the initial few years. Now, I'm realizing what they meant by it and I'm also one of them. But, I want to come out of it., soon, now. Along with this blogathon, I'm going to try and be nice to S(read: dont start a fight) one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time and make it a habit forever. Please wish me in this endeavor.  Universe, please conspire and help both of us feel better.

Prayer

I read post by Uma on Prayer (umsreflections.wordpress.com) . That triggered a whole of thoughts ..That inspite of being a Hindu by birth, I was more into reciting Christian prayers and I knew many hymns and songs by-heart. All thanks to the Christian convent that schooled me. It became so much that at one point people on our neighborhood started fearing if our school was into conversion. (It was just not me, many , rather most in our school were trained into all of this).

If its MoralScience class, then its stories from Bible and in 9th and 10th class, it was the Holy Bible itself. If it was the Lent , then it means Way to the Cross on Fridays thereby bunking a aprt of Biology class that is always scheduled after lunch (and getting scoldings from the Bio teacher who was against the nuns and their practices: a story for another day). before the board exams of 10th class, then, every class must pray for a particular student who is chosen by lots of the respective class leader. When our class was in 10th Std, then it means, being assigned to one or two nuns in the hostel who keep praying for us.

Prayers were always there in the morning, and in those classes where the teacher was a christian or a nun, then, there was prayer before those classes as well. I remember some of the prayers, some of them the first few lines. But one of them that I hope to remember always is : Our Father in heaven..
Once , I remember being told that if this prayer is recited 7 times, then whatever you have lost will be gotten back. In those young minds, it got registered so deeply that when we lose a pen or a pencil or a rubber , we would recite this one if we wanted it back.

I wonder how to introduce the concept of prayer to Ajju. Will she automatically get it if I pray daily in front of the altar? Do schools these days teach the concept of praying? I'll get to know all of this in due course. I keep saying at home "Aandava, enga ellaraiyum kapathu pa". This is the one prayer that I voice out every now and then. Not sure how this statement got stuck with me, whenever I take Ajju near the God's place in our home, I say this little prayer.

Welcome back

to myself :) :)

I have always thought if you are a parent, then there is lots more to blog about, the parenting happiness and struggles, the decision making, pics of all the antis that the little one does, ranting , to record everything and anything..Little did I realize then that yes, definitely there are indeed many many things to blog about but how would we do that when one is always pressed for time..

But from now on (hopefully I keep it up, this time) I will try and put in words if not all, some of all the ramblings that goes in my mind as blog posts.

When I was in the trying-to-conceive bandwagon, I started shunning myself from social gatherings/outings..When the topic of team outing would come up, I would be mute most of the times and out of necessity ,sometimes I would just play along..Given a choice, I would back out. I turned into this person who became asocial, not looking forward to attending an invite that came by..I used to think then that once I have a baby, I would turn around and enthusiastically participate in social gatherings. I would say that yes, I'm now mingling more (compared to earlier), accepting invites and attending them ..On one level deeper thought, yes, I'm engaging myself only if there is a NEED to. say, when I have to engage the little one , so that little one gets fresh air if I take her to the park, Ajju gets social interaction if I take her to the birthday party invite..You can see that its all because of Ajju. Even then, only if there is a need. Otherwise, I don't step out of my comfort zone. Like how I delayed going to meet an aged friend of ours for a full 10 days after she invited us. like how I didn't go for the Diwali invite from our neighbor .

And when Ajju is not in the pic, I'm the same old self, wouldn't budge..Why all of this coming upnow? I didn't go for the team outing yesterday. I wanted to go, but  when the time came to get ready, I wasn't too keen..I gave myself all sort of lame reasons to not go. I didn't find even one good reason that motivated me to go. Now, when everyone says that they had a good time, I feel that I should have gone and missed it. Why am I not motivated to participate in social events? Is this my original personality? I dont know ..I used to be a social butterfly at school and in our neighborhood. But in college, I mellowed down a bit ..And became asocial as the years passed by ..

I want to change a bit in this aspect..I'm not looking to be the enthu pot that some people are, however, being this anti social is also not good. next time, when an invitation comes in, I'm hoping I can participate in it with interest. Lets see.

Discovering the right foot!

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who wanted to dance in school annual day and very enthusiastically participated in the practice hours after school . She did put her heart and practiced diligently until one fine day she was the only one to be cornered out and told in front of the entire group that she has to be removed from the participation as she doesn't dance well and that her steps are bad.

A few classmates who were also in the group spread the news like fire to the total class and the neighbouring sections adding masala to the actual happening. Years rolled by,the little girl grew up,schools were changed,dancing opportunities came up,but the incident left a deep scar and she told everyone boldly that she can't dance to save her life..college happened ,during the freshers party, she could have gone ahead and joined the dance group where all her friends were in. But the scar didn't allow her to.

Some more years rolled by and one fine day,she was gifted this little bundle of joy who did many "abhinayams" right from day one. She thought maybe, just maybe,the little one may develop interest in dance and she can enjoy watching her offspring . Fast forward a couple of months,she happened to sing twinkle twinkle to the little one and the baby seemed to respond only when she sang with actions. Next day,same actions same song ,but the baby turned her face away...suddenly she moved her a**se and swung her hands and just did a step the baby's eyes brightened up and her little lips broke into a smile. .since then there has been no turn back. .This grown up girl is now dancing as if she has discovered her legs just now...even when she is not entertaining her baby,her legs don't seem to stay still..probably die to all these years of desire that has been pent up subconsciously. .

What made me write this today since I have been dancing like abandon last 2 months??I read a post by a fellow new mom Tharani  (remember to copy the link as the copy paste doesn't seem to work on the phone) "there is something about babies.."..yes,definitely there is something about babies,for my baby has made me discover that I have a right foot,indeed..

1000 times too little. ..

On my last day at work before my maternity leave began,my manager gifted me two baby story books and said his daughter loves them both and hence he chose to gift the same for my baby as well. I was excited to find what the books were hence hurried to open the wrapped gift. He was quick to ask me not to read them right away but to use it after the baby is born and more exactly to start using when I begin to read stories to my baby. For ,if the baby likes the story ,I may end up reading like 1000 times the same book. He mentioned that he has read that story to his daughter more than 1000 times so far (based on a rough calculation).

At that moment, I exclaimed and couldn't believe or understand why a dad would have to read the same book many many times over .

Fast forward just a couple of months,one fine day Ajju stopped crying abruptly on hearing twinkle twinkle little star and lo,it became a household song for us and since then,we have been using it as a distract sob, entertainment sob, sleep song,pram sob, car song and the list goes on..so,can you guess the number of times I would have sung this so far..would have definitely crossed more than 50000 times until now and counting. ...

Who's the boss?

In our household,

Scene 1: 

Health visitor (HV) : you are allowing the baby to control you while it has to be the other way round.  Mummy is the boss. Understand? ?

Ramya jumps around doing victory dance that at least there is one soul who declares I'm the boss.

Scene 2: A little while later,little one is awake after a nap of 10 minutes (it was during this cycle gap I was crowned the boss) and we play for some time. Then,HRH gives a shout ..waav aav yaav. ..Immediately the so-called-boss rushes to pick the baby and says "okay okay kattha vendam. .thookikaren. ." 

S  has a wicked smile and asks "enga, yaaru boss, sollu "

Scene 3: I have put HRH to sleep and assuming that she has drifted to la-la land,I slowly get up tob do some important work like taking a shower. Even before I get out of the bed,I hear twist/turn/squirm from the little munchkin and immediately I ditch all plans and sleep next to her and keep patting her. Again,a teasing smile from S as if asking "yaaru boss nu sollu paakalam". .

Scenic Sunday

Sunday being Sabbath day,where one is not allowed to do any work (am I correct?),so with this excuse,let me just post a picture today.

2015

Was the year of our baby and my pregnancy  (yes,in that order..going by the way the little one has wrapped everyone around her little finger))..

I cannot be thankful enough to the supreme power and the universe and of course,our little Ajju  for this blessing. .

Before I drift ,let me record what a great ROCK my husband, S, has been all through and continues to remain so.Touch wood. Inspite of all the tantrums I throw,all the pouting I do,all the showing-anger-bcos-of-otherss-on-him that I do, he still indulges me and doesn't point fingers. Well,what did I want to say??? Yeah,ever since nausea hit me in the early days of pregnancy, he took up the job of cooking for me,all fresh meals,every single day until my mother came over in the 8th month. In addition to that,he also did all the cleaning  ,laundry ,and simply pampered me to the core. All this while managing a full time job which needs him to travel long distances often. Did I mention he used to wake up so damn early in the morning to prepare food that I would have only made a slight remark that I would like to eat. .and checking every single day after my lunch if I liked it and what was missing in the food in between attending the never ending conf calls . Naturally, he would be so tired and would want to rest,but took up the responsibility of taking care of me and baby whole heartedly without showing or expressing the slightest of frustration at any point. I think all this has deeply gone well inside me that Ajju is a daddy's girl . Wait,even while I was carrying her,after a long day when I used to mention that I did not feel much movements of the baby that day,S would only put his hands and immediately Ajju would get excited and start playing :-)

I started out to write about the year that went by,but ended up showering laavvuu for the better half..anyways,he deserves at least this from me ,so let it be..will continue the rest in another post..

Wait. .i'm not that bad,okay. .naanum nalla ponnu than.. (cough..cough)..now I can publish the post :-):-)

Welcome 2016

Happy New Year!

May this New year bring in all that each of us wish and desire for.

I make resolutions every now and then (yes,not just during new year or varusha pirappu or ugadi or Christmas or ramzan. I'm known to make resolutions on any day only to follow it for next few days :-) ),and now let me make some ,put them down and try to revisit once in a while to see how I fare:

1) Be more patient in parenting Ajju. My patience levels have increased drastically  (yes,only I need to pat myself for no one else is voicing this out) over the years and more since the birth of our Jr. But still,there is a long way to go and I want to improve on this one.

2)lose *some* weight : yes,some is the keyword here. At least 5 kg.,to begin with and get back into shape.

3) read ,rather re-start reading. I didn't bother to read all through 2015 and I'm not complaining. I just gave in to what my heart and mind said and went with the flow. So,didn't bother to exert/force myself to do anything at all. Clock an average of 1 book a month.

4) important point this one: don't bother,don't care of what people say,both on my face and in my back and do not let them affect me. This is something I need to try and put in action. Ignore them is what I need to remind myself when I even sense signs of their actions/words affecting me.

5) be decisive. Try and make decisions and do not look back once they are made.

I'm joining the blogathon this January and hoping that I can keep up at it.a lot of thoughts coming up now,let me streamline them and convert to posts in coming days. Ajju calling..need to rush..happy new year.

I'm still toying over what to call our little daughter in this blog: so if it's Rosie,  Ro,baby,Ajju, Jr or any other name I refer to: it's going to be our little darling daughter.