Indira is a happy ,spirited child, does well at academics and is quite active at skit, quiz, elocution at the all-girls school she was studying. Her parents dote her and they live in a conservative town in Tamilnadu. All is well in Indira's world, she gets to meet her cousins who are city-bred and boast their fluency in English , the fancy co-curricular activities and the social network they have. However, none of these seemed to bother Indira and she was only happy to play and gossip and be in their company during vacations.
She attains puberty and it was celebrated with family and friends. She observes changes in her body and asks her mom on what they mean..In due course, many at school take one week leave. (Now, between age 12 and 14 and if you take a week off from school, then rumors starts circulating, although in hushed tones..), So there are many in the club and she doesn't feel any different and she goes about concentrating at studies, her competitive activities at school and goes about as usual with life, in general..
Come May, Indira's city-bred cousin (cousin brother) visits her place and stays with them for 10 days. This cousin is 3 good years elder to her. The first couple of days pass by with each other catching up (though she finds it difficult to mingle with a brother who used to dote on her earlier but seem to consider her more of village-types now) . It is a very middle class house where the parents sleep along with their children in a single bed-room. In order to give space and comfort for the guest, Indira's mother moves with Indira's sister to another room for the night sleep. Indira's dad, her cousin and she are now in the bedroom. I's dad is in deep sleep with a heavy snore..
I'd cousin finds this the right time to grope on Indira. Initially, he started with just putting his hands around her..I , being the naive and considering its her brother (and thinking how she used to wrap up her hands and legs around her sister and cuddle and sleep) she didn't remove the hands of her brother. A few more minutes later, the brother puts his leg on hers.While I turned to see if he was doing it intentionally, she found his eyes to be closed. So, considering its all being done in slumber, she let it be.
Deep inside the night, he moves his hand from her stomach to her breasts. By now , she is asleep and suddenly, when she felt a pinch, she woke up only to realize that the brother had now already taken his hands and turned to the other side facing the wall. She was disturbed for some time , but now knowing what to do, she went back to sleep.
Next day, she felt that someone groped her by putting his hands inside of her clothes. Being middle of a dark night and not knowing what to do, she kept quiet. Now, this fellow took her hand and put it in his chest too. All this is happening while the dad is in deep sleep and she simply doesn't know what to do. Was it to scream, was it to move away, was it to slap., she goes away to sleep after pressing her brain with many complex stuff which she is not even aware of., let alone being used to..
The partition wall between the bathroom and toilet was not upto the ceiling..The wall was quite high that only a 8 feet person can actually see whats happening in the bathroom from the toilet. Now, this fellow, all of 6 + feet, jumps inside the toilet to hang from the wall to see her bathing!! The most unthinkable!! The girl was still unaware as she was facing the bucket and the soap..He whistles and she spots and throws water on his face and he quickly comes down to the floor. Again, she did not know what to do, whether to tell her mother or not..This fellow was accompanied by his grandmother and it was enough if the news gets on to this old-lady,,It was equivalent to telling the whole wide world..
Sensing Indira's actions and mental state, her mom took a cue of what could be going on and from then on, made sure she pulled Indira with her during night times and keep a strong vigil on her during the day until the fellow left.
Indira and the fellow do bump into each other during family gatherings, they go about with their life just as if nothing has happened..but the bitterness still stays within her .
This is a real-life incident narrated to me by Indira. On hearing this, obviously the first reaction is anger, frustration, cursing the guy etc..None of these emotions are going to make any difference to Indira at this point.
-- What is the protection for girl children , in specific , from evil men within the family?
-- Parents of the previous generation, in general silently suffered any misbehaviour meted out to them or their children rather than confronting with family..They were cautios and careful in not disturbing the equilibrium within the family..From what I read and hear, I do see this has changed or atleast changing currently..Parents no more talk in hushed tones for the brutalities meted out to them or their wards by immediate family
-- Children in metros and cities are getting awareness of sexual abuse from their parents and teaches at school. How about children in rural areas? and smaller towns? In smaller communities or social circles when everyone knows everyone else, the girl child is still asked to be tolerant of eve-teasing, look to the ground while talking, pin the dupatta etc. If someone in the metros can hold a placard "My body, my right " and "I will dress the way I wnat to", why is such a freedom not available to children of smaller towns and villages? Moreover, the main case in point here is : who protects or defends the girl child in towns and villages? Parents brrod over the reputation of the family being spoilt rather than trying to listen what their own child has to say.
-- Bringing in awareness, protecting girls , educating them all that is fine..But, why shouldnt boys be instructed, ordered , and parented to behave properly? After all, its they who are the cause of the problem.I'm not putting the blame on the whole community of "men" as such..as in all other cases, just because a few of them behave improperly, even good boys who are decent and well-groomed still get to hear all the advises and such (which they might find irritating!) .The boys should grow up to respect the opposite sex. The entire society need to play a role in making this happen.
The main reasons of my writing this down are:
-- I wanted to vent out..I want to hit the guy ! Yes, I want to..Being unable to do so, I'm writing it away furiously.
-- That CSA happens within the family too
-- That all of us need to be aware and keep our eyes open, as in the above case, sometimes, if required , at night times too.
-- Slap and give these guys a piece of our minds
-- Encourage the girl children to be bold in voicing out such brutalities that happen to them.(After all, all of us in the prettier :) sex have the same structure, just the size varies ). And it is indeed their right to voice out their insecurities
P.S: I'd drafetd this post last weekend and it was waiting to be posted. I opened up the blogger to write a post on this ocassion of V-day. But having finished this one, will post it right away..I read a column in today's newspaper that women world over are celebrating V-day today of a different kind, dancing, playing songs against violence..What better time to post this..Lets all stand up together against violence towards women
She attains puberty and it was celebrated with family and friends. She observes changes in her body and asks her mom on what they mean..In due course, many at school take one week leave. (Now, between age 12 and 14 and if you take a week off from school, then rumors starts circulating, although in hushed tones..), So there are many in the club and she doesn't feel any different and she goes about concentrating at studies, her competitive activities at school and goes about as usual with life, in general..
Come May, Indira's city-bred cousin (cousin brother) visits her place and stays with them for 10 days. This cousin is 3 good years elder to her. The first couple of days pass by with each other catching up (though she finds it difficult to mingle with a brother who used to dote on her earlier but seem to consider her more of village-types now) . It is a very middle class house where the parents sleep along with their children in a single bed-room. In order to give space and comfort for the guest, Indira's mother moves with Indira's sister to another room for the night sleep. Indira's dad, her cousin and she are now in the bedroom. I's dad is in deep sleep with a heavy snore..
I'd cousin finds this the right time to grope on Indira. Initially, he started with just putting his hands around her..I , being the naive and considering its her brother (and thinking how she used to wrap up her hands and legs around her sister and cuddle and sleep) she didn't remove the hands of her brother. A few more minutes later, the brother puts his leg on hers.While I turned to see if he was doing it intentionally, she found his eyes to be closed. So, considering its all being done in slumber, she let it be.
Deep inside the night, he moves his hand from her stomach to her breasts. By now , she is asleep and suddenly, when she felt a pinch, she woke up only to realize that the brother had now already taken his hands and turned to the other side facing the wall. She was disturbed for some time , but now knowing what to do, she went back to sleep.
Next day, she felt that someone groped her by putting his hands inside of her clothes. Being middle of a dark night and not knowing what to do, she kept quiet. Now, this fellow took her hand and put it in his chest too. All this is happening while the dad is in deep sleep and she simply doesn't know what to do. Was it to scream, was it to move away, was it to slap., she goes away to sleep after pressing her brain with many complex stuff which she is not even aware of., let alone being used to..
The partition wall between the bathroom and toilet was not upto the ceiling..The wall was quite high that only a 8 feet person can actually see whats happening in the bathroom from the toilet. Now, this fellow, all of 6 + feet, jumps inside the toilet to hang from the wall to see her bathing!! The most unthinkable!! The girl was still unaware as she was facing the bucket and the soap..He whistles and she spots and throws water on his face and he quickly comes down to the floor. Again, she did not know what to do, whether to tell her mother or not..This fellow was accompanied by his grandmother and it was enough if the news gets on to this old-lady,,It was equivalent to telling the whole wide world..
Sensing Indira's actions and mental state, her mom took a cue of what could be going on and from then on, made sure she pulled Indira with her during night times and keep a strong vigil on her during the day until the fellow left.
Indira and the fellow do bump into each other during family gatherings, they go about with their life just as if nothing has happened..but the bitterness still stays within her .
This is a real-life incident narrated to me by Indira. On hearing this, obviously the first reaction is anger, frustration, cursing the guy etc..None of these emotions are going to make any difference to Indira at this point.
-- What is the protection for girl children , in specific , from evil men within the family?
-- Parents of the previous generation, in general silently suffered any misbehaviour meted out to them or their children rather than confronting with family..They were cautios and careful in not disturbing the equilibrium within the family..From what I read and hear, I do see this has changed or atleast changing currently..Parents no more talk in hushed tones for the brutalities meted out to them or their wards by immediate family
-- Children in metros and cities are getting awareness of sexual abuse from their parents and teaches at school. How about children in rural areas? and smaller towns? In smaller communities or social circles when everyone knows everyone else, the girl child is still asked to be tolerant of eve-teasing, look to the ground while talking, pin the dupatta etc. If someone in the metros can hold a placard "My body, my right " and "I will dress the way I wnat to", why is such a freedom not available to children of smaller towns and villages? Moreover, the main case in point here is : who protects or defends the girl child in towns and villages? Parents brrod over the reputation of the family being spoilt rather than trying to listen what their own child has to say.
-- Bringing in awareness, protecting girls , educating them all that is fine..But, why shouldnt boys be instructed, ordered , and parented to behave properly? After all, its they who are the cause of the problem.I'm not putting the blame on the whole community of "men" as such..as in all other cases, just because a few of them behave improperly, even good boys who are decent and well-groomed still get to hear all the advises and such (which they might find irritating!) .The boys should grow up to respect the opposite sex. The entire society need to play a role in making this happen.
The main reasons of my writing this down are:
-- I wanted to vent out..I want to hit the guy ! Yes, I want to..Being unable to do so, I'm writing it away furiously.
-- That CSA happens within the family too
-- That all of us need to be aware and keep our eyes open, as in the above case, sometimes, if required , at night times too.
-- Slap and give these guys a piece of our minds
-- Encourage the girl children to be bold in voicing out such brutalities that happen to them.(After all, all of us in the prettier :) sex have the same structure, just the size varies ). And it is indeed their right to voice out their insecurities
P.S: I'd drafetd this post last weekend and it was waiting to be posted. I opened up the blogger to write a post on this ocassion of V-day. But having finished this one, will post it right away..I read a column in today's newspaper that women world over are celebrating V-day today of a different kind, dancing, playing songs against violence..What better time to post this..Lets all stand up together against violence towards women
I am boiling with anger too Ramya! I know what has happened has happened.. nothing changes Indira's sufferings now. Being gone through most of this myself.. I can understand her state of mind. I am not feeling sorry for her.. but for the idiot, who has gone beyond his limits and lost a good relationship.
ReplyDeleteSuch kinda abuse, even if its experienced at a tender age tends to tay in memory for a long long time and I believe that such kind of circumstances influence in how a person is grommed, especially when it comes to in trusting people. Indira , even now is very cautious or I would term it more indecisive when it comes to trusting men , even if its her good male friends who mean good to her. What to do, the hurt caused has stuck deep.
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